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Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?

A: Because the farmer had cold hands!

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A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

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Q: What do you call a cow that has had a calf?

A: Decalfeinated

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Great Truths About Life

Downhome farmer truisms

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A New York family bought a ranch out west where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.

"Well," said the would-be-cattleman, "I wanted to call it the Bar-J, my wife favored the Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."

"But, where are all your cattle?"

"So far, none have survived the branding."

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